Great New Products for Kids

I have some great new products to recommend for kids!

Charlie Hope- I’m Me- CD For Kids-
I love music for children and am always looking for new music to play in our classes. We had the pleasure of receiving a visit from “Charlie”, who played some songs from her new CD, “I’m Me” for the preschoolers at Thinkertots. She has a beautiful singing voice and her songs were fun and lively. I have always preferred singers for kids who are real people rather than characters like “THE WGIGLES”. Our kids gave two thumbs up to “Charlie Hope”. Her CD is available at amazon.com.

GoGo Squeez is an all natural, healthy, on-the-go fruit snack for kids. The new GoGo Squeez has five different applesauce flavors (apple, strawberry, cinnamon, banana, and peach). It's a fun and convenient way for kids to have a healthy treat. One Pouch is equal to one fruit serving, helping parents incorporate a healthy snack into their child's diet. The company sent me some samples to test out on some toddlers and preschoolers at Thinkertots. I admit I was skeptical, usually the healthier a food is, the less likely it is that a toddler will eat it!!! But those who tried it absolutely loved it and the moms were thrilled that the kids liked something healthy. It also comes in a cute resealable pouch so it is easy for moms to carry in their bags and no utensil is necessary. I really like this and will be recommending to my moms at Thinkertots! GoGo Squeez can be found at Whole Foods and Amazon.com.

Nico and Lola: Kindness Shared Bewtween a Boy and A Dog is a book by Meggan Hill. This is a beautifully written and photographed story about a boy (Nico) who happily learns he will be able to “dog-sit” for his Aunt’s pug named Lola.. The story shows the mutual respect the boy and Lola develop for each other and how Nico learns so many ways to show kindness. At Thinkertots, I do “storytimes” for kids under age five every week. There are many reasons why this book works. It is about a dog and kids LOVE books about animals, especially dogs. The pictures are gorgeous (bright, close-up photographs of the dog and boy doing various things.) Anyone who works with kids knows that pictures make or break a book. The story is simple and not loaded down with extra verbiage (another killer when reading to the very young!) Most importantly, the story has a great message about kindness and respect. I have always found that there is not enough emphasis placed on character education for children. “Nico and Lola” teaches kindness in such a lovely and unobtrusive way. Most importantly, the beautiful pictures, simple story and characters that small children can relate to, ensure that kids will be VERY INTERESTED IN READING IT!

In The Best Interest Of The Child

The world is watching as the fall out from Michael Jackson’s death continues. Still to be resolved is the issue of custody of his 3 children ages 7, 11 and 12. With no legal wife and the bizarre surrogate nature of their birth, this raises some very interesting questions about who would make the best parent for these children.

We often hear legal beagles say that the judge will determine “what is in the best interest of the child”. The answer to this should be viewed much differently if talking about an infant than when you are talking about preteen children. In the case of a newborn I can understand that the courts look primarily at “parental rights” and who has the legal right to the child. When the children are older, the courts should look FIRST at what is in the best interest of child and the “parental rights” should be secondary. As much as we hear that the courts are supposed to do this, I don’t think they really do. They make the assumption that a “blood” relative is better, which may or may not be true.

In the case of the Jackson children we have a 79-year-old grandmother who may have had little interaction with these children before now. Attached to that we have the issue of Joe Jackson and what access he would have to the kids if grandmother is granted custody. No one thinks his involvement would be a plus(including his deceased son Michael).Then there is Debbie Rowe, who gave birth to them, then gave them away and who seems pretty weird. Also in the picture is the full time nanny who has been with the children every day since their birth. We will probably see others come out to make a claim given the money involved.

Without knowing any more than what is reported about the children’s relationship with these various players, I would probably vote for the nanny. It is very likely that this person is the children’s “psychological mother” which is a bond that will last a lifetime. Furthermore, a sudden removal of one’s “psychological mother” is beyond traumatic for children. Considering that they just suddenly lost their father, losing the nanny too could be shattering to their development. I doubt that she will be given much consideration in this custody fight, but if the judge really cares about their mental health, he should definitely take her into consideration as a real viable option for custody.

Lessons Learned From Michael Jackson

The untimely death of Michael Jackson at the age of 50 raises many questions about his lifestyle, drug use,etc For me it also raises the question of how this adorable, poised, super talented boy grew up to be such a tormented soul, and what his life story tells us about what children really need to grow up to be healthy adults. In a nutshell, I think the lessons are:


1. You can’t become a well-adjusted adult without being a child first.
2. Normal is better than famous.
3. The older you are when you become famous, the better your chances.
4. If you should become rich and famous, don’t hang out with other famous people.
5. Don’t live in a place called “Neverland”. Live in a relatively modest house with just your family( no "handlers") and maybe a dog(no chimps).
6. Parents should be hugely cautioned about encouraging their kids to become child stars. Its just too risky.
7. Children need their parents to provide limits and to just say NO to things that may be damaging in the long run
8. Children need to know they are loved for their true selves.

While it is easy for parents to think it would be great if their child became a star, the reality of what this is really like for a child is not so pretty. Just think of how many child stars died young or ended up in all sorts of trouble. I don’t think it is performing itself that is damaging, it is the culture that surrounds it that screws kids up. The child is treated differently because he is an "asset", and kids should not be burdened with that. It is not easy for adults to deal with fame and fortune, but a child certainly does not have the necessary defense mechanisms to cope.

Child stars probably wonder if they would still be loved if they were a plain old kid. I saw Michael interviewed in recent years where he states that he feels more comfortable with kids because they are the only ones who will tell him the truth. Childhood is a time where you “practice” the social and emotional skills you will need to succeed in the adult world. Since Michael became such a big star so young, he never finished his practice sessions and in a sense he never “graduated” to adulthood. He was frozen at age 10, which is interesting because that seems to be the age group of the kids that he always invited to his house. My gut feeling is that Michael Jackson was not a pedophile. I think he hung around kids not so he could molest them, but because he really saw them as his peers.

Parents are there to shelter the child from the harsh realities of the adult world, while at the same time preparing them for that world. I don’t think that the people around Michael Jackson were able to do this. It is hard to do. Even a well meaning loving parent can get caught in the trap that kind of fame culture brings to bear.

I bet Michael Jackson would have traded it all in for a chance to be normal. A very, very sad ending… even though he had accomplished so much, he had experienced so little of the best things in life.

Teaching Kids To Cheat

So this week brings news that yet another Major League home run hitter failed a steroid drug test during his hey day. Great. This whole steroid controversy is starting to really bug me, primarily because of what it is teaching our youth.

I don’t care how you slice it, using steroids to improve your game is CHEATING. It is no different than using crib notes on your Math Regents Exam. Some try to make excuses for it such as “How can you blame them when the stakes are so high, when there is so much money to be made.” I say HOGWASH to that. It still is the same as cheating on your math test. A teen being motivated to cheat because he doesn’t want to go to summer school is just as real as a ball player wanting to make 10 million instead of 2 million a year.

Others say, “Who does it hurt? If a guy wants to put that stuff in his body it is his decision.” Well it does hurt other people. What about the players who don’t take drugs and try to make it on their own talent and hard work? They are hurt when they get passed over every step of the way to make room for these drugged up fools. The young fans are hurt too, when they have to somehow understand that their heroes, the guys whose posters hang in their rooms are really just cheaters.

Another good one is, “That is what the fans want. They want to see the homeruns!” Does anybody think that the fans are any more loyal now or any more willing to come to games than back in the pre-steroid days?


It is disturbing to me that the players, the managers, the Commissioners, the players’ unions all conspire to allow this to go on. The message to our youth gets through loud and clear. This is the message, “ Lots of players take steroids. You really need to if you want to be competitive these days. The fans don’t really care, they just want you to hit. And if you get caught, what is the worst they are going to do, suspend you for some games. Look at how much money Manny Ramirez, A-Rod, Sammy Sosa, and Roger Clemens have made in their careers. Its worth it.”

As parents, we are the only ones that are talking to our kids about respect for the game, and respect for themselves and their teammates. I really wonder if it will be enough.

What Kids Can Learn From American Idol

I have fond memories of watching television programs with my family as a child. We laughed, shed tears, and cheered for our heroes. Those were cherished times, and valuable because of the things we learned and shared together. Unfortunately, opportunities to bring the whole family together for “TV time” are much harder to find today.

That's why I enjoy American Idol. While some may quibble about the sarcasm and mean-spirited comments of the judges, particularly Simon Cowell, it truly is a show enjoyed by people of all ages. In fact, I believe American Idol can be a good teaching tool for parents when it comes to imparting some important life lessons to their children. Here are some that I found very helpful to jumpstart conversations with kids:

Hard Work Pays – While many people are born with natural talents like singing, that talent will only get you so far in life. However, through hours of practice, a good singer can often become a great one. Often, contestants on American Idol were rejected in previous years. All have indicated that their hard work had paid off in helping them make it through “to Hollywood” this year

Be Adaptable – Singers on American Idol who are standouts in one musical genre often have trouble performing in styles outside of their comfort zone. The demands of the competition, much like life, favor individuals who can adapt to the situation at hand. While you may prefer one specific style, one activity or one skill over others, it pays to be able to do a competent job in many areas without losing focus on that in which you excel.

Be Well-Rounded - Yes, American Idol is a singing competition. However, contestants who are good dancers, display a sense of humor or simply stand out because they speak very well during their interviews, have had an edge because they display a greater range of talents and skills. The reality is that the best singer doesn't always win. In life, and on American Idol, it is one's entire presentation that counts.

Be a Team Player – Over the years, many American Idol contestants who seemed to be among the best singers in their auditions failed miserably during the group performances in Hollywood. The ability to work cooperatively with others, even during a competition like American Idol, is a positive attribute that will translate well to other aspects of life.

Be a Gracious Winner-- From swaggering end zone dances in football to chest thumping and grandstanding by winners of other events, what ever happened to being humble and respectful to fellow competitors? The reality is that no one wins all of the time, so it pays to behave in a responsible manner during the times when we come out on top.
And a Good Loser-- It can be incredibly difficult to teach children how to handle their disappointment, sorrow, even anger when faced with being on the losing side. The competitive drive that often leads to victory can betray the best of us in defeat. However, the ability to cope with life's inevitable losses is an equally important statement about growing up.

Take Constructive Criticism – I have never been sure that American Idol contestants really understand when Randy Jackson tells them their performances are “pitchy.” At least when Simon Cowell says they sound like a bad karaoke performer, his message is pretty clear. Comments that provide constructive criticism, whether you are an American Idol contestant or not, can be important and valuable in reaching your full potential. Learning how to acknowledge and make constructive use of another person's perspective demonstrates a willingness to improve. While the unconditional love and praise of parents can instill confidence in their children, sometimes the world is less inclined to be so supportive. No one is perfect, and we all can grow by taking criticism in a positive way.

The "Me" Generation

Jean Twenge and W. Keith Campbell just released their excellent book “The Narcissism Epidemic,” which concludes that this is the most narcissistic generation ever and points the finger at today’s parents. I am delighted that this book has been written and that this subject is starting to get some play. I have been screaming about this trend for years and am worried sick that we are raising kids unable to cope with the vicissitudes of life. An assortment of attitudes and behaviors that exemplify this trend include:


1. Everyone gets a trophy. Excellence can’t be singled out for fear that the other kids feelings will be hurt.


2. Parents suing school districts if their child fails or gets suspended.


3. Kids under age five getting expensive electronic game systems (replaced, of course, as soon as an upgrade becomes available).


4. Kids being over scheduled with activities because parents want to make sure they don’t miss anything.The kids themselves don’t even know what they really enjoy anymore!


5. Birthday parties costing hundreds if not thousands of dollars.(What happened to having a few close friends over your house and playing hot potato?)


6. A fully paid 4 year college tuition to a good school plus room and board is considered a right, not a privilege.


7. Always letting the child win in competitive games.


8. General lack of discipline…parents are afraid to discipline their kids.


9. Kids getting toys they want right away. Kids today never get the sense of what it means to really wish for something and wait(sometimes years) to finally get it.


10. Parents telling coaches how to coach and teachers how to teach. Notion here is that it is always someone else’s fault if a child isn't succeeding.


11. Parents think it is their job to prevent their kids from being BORED. When did boredom get such a bad rap? Last I checked, lots of great things start with being bored(See DR. Seuss Cat in the Hat!) This rushing in to "cure" their kids boredom leads to a culture of addiction to "new" "better" "faster" and "bigger".


12. General lack of focus on social skills, etiquette and respect for adults.


I could keep going of course. So why is this all so bad for kids? The biggest problem I have with this is that it prevents children from learning how to deal with real life. If they are never allowed to feel frustration, or boredom, or the pain of losing a game, how can they develop skills to cope with it? They can’t and won’t. Second problem s that they never learn to value anything.They never have to wait a long time to get something they want, so when they get it, it is not really big deal. Next, is that they don’t learn how to make their own way in life. They expect the world to conform to their needs, and if the world does not conform, then certainly Mom or Dad will fix it for them. I fear this will produce a generation of lazy children totally lacking in self motivation and creativity.
I applaud the authors who have the guts to point out where we are going wrong as parents and recommend that all parents read it!

“SUPERNANNY” Is Required Viewing

Have you ever watched the TV show “SuperNanny” on WABC? If you haven’t you are missing some great parenting advice!

I have watched about 10 episodes of “SuperNanny” and I have to say that I think it is an excellent demonstration of proper parenting skills. First, the Mom viewer usually feels relieved right away because the behavior of the kids on the show is usually worse than what she is dealing with at home! Then, we get to see how these “monster” behaviors demonstrated on the show can be changed. If you watch the show regularly, you will see that the Nanny enacts the same principles regardless of the behaviors:

1. Mom and Dad have to be on the same page in trying to change the behaviors.
2. When the parents lead, the child will follow.
3. Be firm, consistent and organized.

No matter the age of the child or the “bad behavior” in question, the Nanny has the same intervention using these three basic principles. This is good for us Moms to see because it helps us believe that it is really possible to make sweeping changes,

In my years as a parenting consultant, the number one issue that gives parents grief revolves around bedtime. Often, it is that the kids are sleeping in the parents’ bed and they cant get them out, the kids wont go to bed, or they wake up in middle of night and want Mom or the Mom has to either hold or lie down with the child until he falls asleep. It is easy to understand how the over worked and overtired Moms have gotten themselves into the situation (I have been down this road too!) Universally, once the situation is bad, Moms feel it is impossible to get out of it. In fact, the dread of how bad it is going to be to try to change it is responsible for inaction for a very long time! In our Mom brain, we also think that our situation is very complicated and filled with “special circumstances”. But, also universally, once the Mom sets her mind to changing the behavior, she is pleasantly surprised that it was not as difficult as she expected.

This is where I think watching SuperNanny can really be helpful! Seeing these 3 simple principles enacted over and over in some extreme situations is a great tutorial. Even if you are one of the few lucky parents that have it all under control, it will serve as a great reinforcer!