Have you ever watched the TV show “SuperNanny” on WABC? If you haven’t you are missing some great parenting advice!
I have watched about 10 episodes of “SuperNanny” and I have to say that I think it is an excellent demonstration of proper parenting skills. First, the Mom viewer usually feels relieved right away because the behavior of the kids on the show is usually worse than what she is dealing with at home! Then, we get to see how these “monster” behaviors demonstrated on the show can be changed. If you watch the show regularly, you will see that the Nanny enacts the same principles regardless of the behaviors:
1. Mom and Dad have to be on the same page in trying to change the behaviors.
2. When the parents lead, the child will follow.
3. Be firm, consistent and organized.
No matter the age of the child or the “bad behavior” in question, the Nanny has the same intervention using these three basic principles. This is good for us Moms to see because it helps us believe that it is really possible to make sweeping changes,
In my years as a parenting consultant, the number one issue that gives parents grief revolves around bedtime. Often, it is that the kids are sleeping in the parents’ bed and they cant get them out, the kids wont go to bed, or they wake up in middle of night and want Mom or the Mom has to either hold or lie down with the child until he falls asleep. It is easy to understand how the over worked and overtired Moms have gotten themselves into the situation (I have been down this road too!) Universally, once the situation is bad, Moms feel it is impossible to get out of it. In fact, the dread of how bad it is going to be to try to change it is responsible for inaction for a very long time! In our Mom brain, we also think that our situation is very complicated and filled with “special circumstances”. But, also universally, once the Mom sets her mind to changing the behavior, she is pleasantly surprised that it was not as difficult as she expected.
This is where I think watching SuperNanny can really be helpful! Seeing these 3 simple principles enacted over and over in some extreme situations is a great tutorial. Even if you are one of the few lucky parents that have it all under control, it will serve as a great reinforcer!
Sunday, April 12, 2009
Friday, April 3, 2009
Give Madonna the Child!
News story broke today that Madonna was denied her application to adopt a second child from Malawi. The reason stated is that it would set a bad precedent to change the rules for Madonna.
First, I am not a fan of Madonna, so my opinion is not influenced by my feelings for her. But, to me, it is a no-brainer to let her adopt this child!
Lets go over some of the “opposition” to this adoption:
1.If Madonna is allowed this adoption, the courts will waive the 18-month residency requirement for prospective adoptive parents. "We are delighted that the courts have upheld the law of the land - weak as it is," said Mavuto Bamusi, head of Malawi's Human Rights Consultative Committee (HRCC). "[The courts have] avoided setting an example that would have opened the floodgates for people to come and take children from Malawi. Open the floodgates? One can only wish that would happen. Over 1 million children are currently in orphanages!
2.The rules should not be broken for a celebrity. Can you think of a better reason to break the rules than saving the life of a child?
3. A child of Malawi should not be robbed of his/her “culture” by being raised in America. The life expectancy in Malawi is 40. One in five children die before age five. What good is being “with your native people” if you can only live to age five?
The problem with all these objections is that none of them look at the situation from the point of view of the child. If they did, this child would be with Madonna as we speak. Unfortunately, most court systems (ours too, sad to say) do not make decisions based on the best interest of the child. Parent’s rights and the interests of “the state” come first. I am not quick to anger, but this infuriates me! We have seen the videotape of an adoptive child being torn away from the only parents he has known at age four because a “biological parent” comes out of the woodwork to claim the child and a court grants it. Same problem here; what is best for the child is not first concern. It should be!
First, I am not a fan of Madonna, so my opinion is not influenced by my feelings for her. But, to me, it is a no-brainer to let her adopt this child!
Lets go over some of the “opposition” to this adoption:
1.If Madonna is allowed this adoption, the courts will waive the 18-month residency requirement for prospective adoptive parents. "We are delighted that the courts have upheld the law of the land - weak as it is," said Mavuto Bamusi, head of Malawi's Human Rights Consultative Committee (HRCC). "[The courts have] avoided setting an example that would have opened the floodgates for people to come and take children from Malawi. Open the floodgates? One can only wish that would happen. Over 1 million children are currently in orphanages!
2.The rules should not be broken for a celebrity. Can you think of a better reason to break the rules than saving the life of a child?
3. A child of Malawi should not be robbed of his/her “culture” by being raised in America. The life expectancy in Malawi is 40. One in five children die before age five. What good is being “with your native people” if you can only live to age five?
The problem with all these objections is that none of them look at the situation from the point of view of the child. If they did, this child would be with Madonna as we speak. Unfortunately, most court systems (ours too, sad to say) do not make decisions based on the best interest of the child. Parent’s rights and the interests of “the state” come first. I am not quick to anger, but this infuriates me! We have seen the videotape of an adoptive child being torn away from the only parents he has known at age four because a “biological parent” comes out of the woodwork to claim the child and a court grants it. Same problem here; what is best for the child is not first concern. It should be!
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