What Kids Can Learn From American Idol

I have fond memories of watching television programs with my family as a child. We laughed, shed tears, and cheered for our heroes. Those were cherished times, and valuable because of the things we learned and shared together. Unfortunately, opportunities to bring the whole family together for “TV time” are much harder to find today.

That's why I enjoy American Idol. While some may quibble about the sarcasm and mean-spirited comments of the judges, particularly Simon Cowell, it truly is a show enjoyed by people of all ages. In fact, I believe American Idol can be a good teaching tool for parents when it comes to imparting some important life lessons to their children. Here are some that I found very helpful to jumpstart conversations with kids:

Hard Work Pays – While many people are born with natural talents like singing, that talent will only get you so far in life. However, through hours of practice, a good singer can often become a great one. Often, contestants on American Idol were rejected in previous years. All have indicated that their hard work had paid off in helping them make it through “to Hollywood” this year

Be Adaptable – Singers on American Idol who are standouts in one musical genre often have trouble performing in styles outside of their comfort zone. The demands of the competition, much like life, favor individuals who can adapt to the situation at hand. While you may prefer one specific style, one activity or one skill over others, it pays to be able to do a competent job in many areas without losing focus on that in which you excel.

Be Well-Rounded - Yes, American Idol is a singing competition. However, contestants who are good dancers, display a sense of humor or simply stand out because they speak very well during their interviews, have had an edge because they display a greater range of talents and skills. The reality is that the best singer doesn't always win. In life, and on American Idol, it is one's entire presentation that counts.

Be a Team Player – Over the years, many American Idol contestants who seemed to be among the best singers in their auditions failed miserably during the group performances in Hollywood. The ability to work cooperatively with others, even during a competition like American Idol, is a positive attribute that will translate well to other aspects of life.

Be a Gracious Winner-- From swaggering end zone dances in football to chest thumping and grandstanding by winners of other events, what ever happened to being humble and respectful to fellow competitors? The reality is that no one wins all of the time, so it pays to behave in a responsible manner during the times when we come out on top.
And a Good Loser-- It can be incredibly difficult to teach children how to handle their disappointment, sorrow, even anger when faced with being on the losing side. The competitive drive that often leads to victory can betray the best of us in defeat. However, the ability to cope with life's inevitable losses is an equally important statement about growing up.

Take Constructive Criticism – I have never been sure that American Idol contestants really understand when Randy Jackson tells them their performances are “pitchy.” At least when Simon Cowell says they sound like a bad karaoke performer, his message is pretty clear. Comments that provide constructive criticism, whether you are an American Idol contestant or not, can be important and valuable in reaching your full potential. Learning how to acknowledge and make constructive use of another person's perspective demonstrates a willingness to improve. While the unconditional love and praise of parents can instill confidence in their children, sometimes the world is less inclined to be so supportive. No one is perfect, and we all can grow by taking criticism in a positive way.

The "Me" Generation

Jean Twenge and W. Keith Campbell just released their excellent book “The Narcissism Epidemic,” which concludes that this is the most narcissistic generation ever and points the finger at today’s parents. I am delighted that this book has been written and that this subject is starting to get some play. I have been screaming about this trend for years and am worried sick that we are raising kids unable to cope with the vicissitudes of life. An assortment of attitudes and behaviors that exemplify this trend include:


1. Everyone gets a trophy. Excellence can’t be singled out for fear that the other kids feelings will be hurt.


2. Parents suing school districts if their child fails or gets suspended.


3. Kids under age five getting expensive electronic game systems (replaced, of course, as soon as an upgrade becomes available).


4. Kids being over scheduled with activities because parents want to make sure they don’t miss anything.The kids themselves don’t even know what they really enjoy anymore!


5. Birthday parties costing hundreds if not thousands of dollars.(What happened to having a few close friends over your house and playing hot potato?)


6. A fully paid 4 year college tuition to a good school plus room and board is considered a right, not a privilege.


7. Always letting the child win in competitive games.


8. General lack of discipline…parents are afraid to discipline their kids.


9. Kids getting toys they want right away. Kids today never get the sense of what it means to really wish for something and wait(sometimes years) to finally get it.


10. Parents telling coaches how to coach and teachers how to teach. Notion here is that it is always someone else’s fault if a child isn't succeeding.


11. Parents think it is their job to prevent their kids from being BORED. When did boredom get such a bad rap? Last I checked, lots of great things start with being bored(See DR. Seuss Cat in the Hat!) This rushing in to "cure" their kids boredom leads to a culture of addiction to "new" "better" "faster" and "bigger".


12. General lack of focus on social skills, etiquette and respect for adults.


I could keep going of course. So why is this all so bad for kids? The biggest problem I have with this is that it prevents children from learning how to deal with real life. If they are never allowed to feel frustration, or boredom, or the pain of losing a game, how can they develop skills to cope with it? They can’t and won’t. Second problem s that they never learn to value anything.They never have to wait a long time to get something they want, so when they get it, it is not really big deal. Next, is that they don’t learn how to make their own way in life. They expect the world to conform to their needs, and if the world does not conform, then certainly Mom or Dad will fix it for them. I fear this will produce a generation of lazy children totally lacking in self motivation and creativity.
I applaud the authors who have the guts to point out where we are going wrong as parents and recommend that all parents read it!