Lessons Learned From Michael Jackson

The untimely death of Michael Jackson at the age of 50 raises many questions about his lifestyle, drug use,etc For me it also raises the question of how this adorable, poised, super talented boy grew up to be such a tormented soul, and what his life story tells us about what children really need to grow up to be healthy adults. In a nutshell, I think the lessons are:


1. You can’t become a well-adjusted adult without being a child first.
2. Normal is better than famous.
3. The older you are when you become famous, the better your chances.
4. If you should become rich and famous, don’t hang out with other famous people.
5. Don’t live in a place called “Neverland”. Live in a relatively modest house with just your family( no "handlers") and maybe a dog(no chimps).
6. Parents should be hugely cautioned about encouraging their kids to become child stars. Its just too risky.
7. Children need their parents to provide limits and to just say NO to things that may be damaging in the long run
8. Children need to know they are loved for their true selves.

While it is easy for parents to think it would be great if their child became a star, the reality of what this is really like for a child is not so pretty. Just think of how many child stars died young or ended up in all sorts of trouble. I don’t think it is performing itself that is damaging, it is the culture that surrounds it that screws kids up. The child is treated differently because he is an "asset", and kids should not be burdened with that. It is not easy for adults to deal with fame and fortune, but a child certainly does not have the necessary defense mechanisms to cope.

Child stars probably wonder if they would still be loved if they were a plain old kid. I saw Michael interviewed in recent years where he states that he feels more comfortable with kids because they are the only ones who will tell him the truth. Childhood is a time where you “practice” the social and emotional skills you will need to succeed in the adult world. Since Michael became such a big star so young, he never finished his practice sessions and in a sense he never “graduated” to adulthood. He was frozen at age 10, which is interesting because that seems to be the age group of the kids that he always invited to his house. My gut feeling is that Michael Jackson was not a pedophile. I think he hung around kids not so he could molest them, but because he really saw them as his peers.

Parents are there to shelter the child from the harsh realities of the adult world, while at the same time preparing them for that world. I don’t think that the people around Michael Jackson were able to do this. It is hard to do. Even a well meaning loving parent can get caught in the trap that kind of fame culture brings to bear.

I bet Michael Jackson would have traded it all in for a chance to be normal. A very, very sad ending… even though he had accomplished so much, he had experienced so little of the best things in life.